I’m pretty jazzed for the warmer season and dress weather. Yeah, totally wear ’em in cold weather, but always with leggings. So that’s a bummer and a half. Why? Why, love dress weather? Why not, I ask. Here are my main beefs with wearing other kinds of clothes and why I prefer dresses y’all.
Can sleep in
Will be the first to admit it. When allowed, I am the laziest, most worthless human being alive. Meaning, I will lay (never sitting, always lying down) on the couch and finish off a few seasons of Gilmore Girls in a day. A weekend if nothing is happening. I will get off said couch only to reach for more chocolate, cream cheese or nachos. Perhaps if the pizza delivery guy needs paid. Maybe. So girl needs comfy pajamas. And sometimes this girl doesn’t want to change out of work clothes for this whole day extravaganza. So my cotton work dresses can sometimes pull double duty as lounge wear. And as a handy drool cloth. Not ashamed.
Can go to the bathroom in
Did I mention I am extremely lazy? Yeah, when it’s spring/summer-time, I can skip that whole unzip the pants business. So much easier. Again, not sorry if this is TMI, but public restrooms in NYC are scary and the less time I spend in them, the better.
One stop shop
I like to wake up and be out the door in 20 minutes. I seriously don’t like “getting ready” to interfere with my slumbers. There are freaky weird dreams going on, and they don’t need to be messed up by a stupid alarm clock. So I get out of the shower, pull a dress off a hanger and done. No, I really don’t like accessorizing. So the dress is enough. And the makeup from the night before on my face is all the fancy-fying I need.
I always guffaw (yes, GUFFAW because that is a word I don’t use frequently but feel I must!) when someone complains about the price of a dress. In the back of my mind, I’m thinking “so?” It’s probably cheaper than the outfit you put together. Don’t need no scarves, no leggings, no pants (NO PANTS), no shirts, no necklaces, nothing else. You can put the dress on, zip, and wala! A whole outfit. Stop complaining.
Pants can go… just go. Hate pants.
Maybe you have gained a few pounds. Pants suck. Perhaps you lost a few. Still kinda suck. I mean, it’s nice to be able to feel the room in between the fabric and the skin … but hey, let’s get back to putting on some weight. Pants can seriously suck an egg. All they want to do is make you feel bad about yourself. And if you decide to wear those tight things, you are reminded of that weight gain all day long by that damn waistband leaving red marks on your skin. Eff pants. At least with dresses, the ones that I like, they are forgiving, nice and could care less that you ate a couple boxes of crab rangoons last night.
• Another thing about PANTS. Repeat, hate pants. When it’s cold, rainy and wet outside, the cuffs of your pants always get wet, rub grossly on your skin, and yeah. Did I mention I really hate pants hard?
Oh, yeah, that whole time thing again
Another bonus about wearing a dress is that people, for some reason, think that when you are wearing it, that you spent a whole lotta extra time getting ready. Like you were trying to look super great. Lies, I tell you, lies! For me, most likely it’s not true, it was just the easiest, simplest solution. But hey, got to get those compliments when you can!
Classic, classic, classic
With dresses, I try pretty hard to buy ones that won’t go out of style in the next few years. So plain colors, plain styles – very classic and clean. With other types of outfits, it’s really hard to buy something that isn’t trendy. Five years from now, if I have kept a dress in good condition, I can wear it and still get someone to say, “You look nice today.” Well, MAYBE.
My teeny dress problems:
•Since these are complete, whole outfits for me, I have to be careful of what kind of material I get. Sure, I have tons of dry-clean-only dresses, but I rarely wear them. That’s why my closet is fully loaded with Calvin Klein cotton dresses. Throw in the wash with like-colored clothes. Easy peasy.
• I have a problem sitting lady-like. Basically always. So I have to constantly remind myself (or be reminded by someone else) to sit properly while wearing a short dress. It’s like being in that scene in A League Of Their Own where they have to go through Miss Manners classes, but all the time.
Anyways, dresses. Love them. That’s all.