Tag Archives: Facebook

Facebook Lawyers

18 Jul



It happens whenever I log on to Facebook. There I am, minding my own business, when I scroll down to see this political rant, that polarizing viewpoint, here’s how this should be done -yadi yadi ya. LAWYERED. By civilians.

Sometimes I click on the news articles, questionable blog sites, Bible verses, or HILARIOUSLY snarky comic photos (not really) – but most of the time I move on. I’VE GOT BABY PICTURES TO LOOK AT, SON.

Am I clean of this uncouth behavior? Hells to the no on that one, my friend. It was only a year, perhaps two, that I stopped posting really anything politically sensitive. Why? Because, that’s why! Need no ‘splaining here! Okay, I was originally doing it for the shock value. The “Oh, I’m smarter than you and I’m going to write all about it’ reason. It wasn’t to share information that people might find value, and I will admit that. It wasn’t to appear concerned that other people might have interesting and valid opposing views. It was to start a war, and I was hella good at it.

If you don’t know me, I’m pretty socially liberal, fiscally moderate. Oh, while I’m writing this, I did post a few pictures in the past year supporting gay marriage, but yeah, not going to even defend that. Because that viewpoint is awesome. That’s all. (SORRY, OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS, BUT NOT SORRY ON THAT ONE!)

It’s just when a public court case comes up, everyone get’s all up in arms because the system “failed” them. Probably not. I mean, they might not agree with the outcome, I might not too, but usually it amounts to whether a jury find that there is enough evidence to convict or not. If there isn’t, well, there you go.

While I like to spout my own viewpoints, I realize that taking the LSAT and being pre-law in undergrad usually doesn’t mean shit. While a couple logic classes may show me that certain statements are hyperbolic, I don’t have the training to go lecturing people on why this is right or this is wrong. So I’ve stopped defending every stance I have under the sun.

With Facebook, a lot of peeps have pretty left- or right-swinging positions. The ones who post their stances, anyway. It’s highly unlikely that you are going to change someone’s staunch opinion with a witty remark on their posting or by shoving some more statistics out there in Zuckerberg Land. Just not going to happen. Instead, it’s going to inspire eye rolls, online and public gossiping, and more people to wonder, “Why am I still on Facebook?” Really.

So there you go. Here’s my rant and whining about Facebook for the day.

Also, here are a few other things that make me give the throw-up face:

• Posting vague song lyrics. WHY?
• Posting vague anything. WHY? Just don’t vaguebook, people. It’s so … sigh.
• Negative whining and bitching constantly. YUCK.
• Posting everything and anything that happens in your day. I don’t want to know what kind of salad you had for lunch, but I am so glad you enjoyed it. I had leftover Papa John’s Pizza. TASTY!

But please, please, whatever you do, keep posting animal and baby/child photos. For the love of God, I love me some cute pictures. (THIS IS NOT SARCASTIC. I REALLY LIKE THESE PHOTOS A LOT.)

Facebook Inadequacy

11 Mar
Too legit to quit.

Too legit to quit.

The second loss this week. Another punch to the gut, it hurts just like before. My mind can think of nothing else, as I try to hurl myself into the darkness of sleep.

Facebook. It has been a constant in my life since its inception. Dorm friends and I waited anxiously for its arrival on our campus, as it was formerly an exclusive club for university students. When rumors began to fly around that it would be arriving any day, I tried to play coy. Oh, I wouldn’t be sucked into the trappings of online social media. That is also what I said when ICQ became a mainstay on my parents’ computer, quickly replaced by MSN Messenger.

Years have passed since I created my first online profile. Photo albums document my drunken college years, while friends can browse my “like” of Joan Baez and my past directorship of the group “Gay rights for grey squirrels.” A quick glance at my page could give a glimpse of my real life, or perhaps a person could see through the painstaking persona that I have created. Thoughtful quotes from others much smarter than I, favorite movies that I have maybe watched once, and the absentia of anything indicating my age. This is the shadowy enigma that I want you to see, a shimmering illusion of who I actually am.

While I consider Facebook a valuable resource – photo sharing, keeping in touch with close family and friends, sharing my writing – it has become quite a burden as of late. Maybe it’s because I have too much free time on my hands, but I cannot seem to stop scrolling the newsfeed. I know this about so-and-so and what this person said about another woman’s photos. It’s ridiculous. Many of these people I haven’t spoken to since high school, yet here I am looking through their six-month-old’s latest photo shoot. If I ran into one of these people, I would probably embarrassingly lie that I had no clue what they were up to, but knew that they worked out for 25 minutes at their local gym yesterday.

Probably the worst aspect of Facebook is developing this crippling feeling of inadequacy. Perhaps this isn’t such a problem with other people, but I have always had this competitive edge that won’t stop. Fellow classmates, colleagues, or family members may boast of an accolade, their new house, or an upcoming wedding. While happy for them, that green-eyed monster rears it’s ugly head. That is when the questions start. Why haven’t you been able to do this? Why are you wasting your time doing nothing? It’s a class reunion every day, without the much needed booze.

I have found myself becoming a bit too obsessed with my laptop and finding out what is happening outside of my living room. When I found out that a girl I was in high school band with and a girl I worked with in college had both deleted me, I panicked. Literally, panicked. What had I done to deserve this? Did I post something offensive? Are my articles too frequently added to the newsfeed? What is wrong with me?

When I asked myself the last question, I stopped. Really, what was wrong with me? I haven’t spoken in person to either of these two people in years. They were acquaintances at best, and probably wanted to pare down their friends list. And if they did have a problem with something I had written, well, what can I do?

It has made me take pause and look at all the time and energy I have put in Facebook over the years. Too much. What could I do with that extra time, avoiding the site and others that occupy my everyday thoughts? Write more, read more, perhaps live more.

One of my best friends confided in me long ago about the problem with Facebook. She ended up completely deleting her profile and hasn’t looked back since. Of course, that has had its downsides in this Mark Zuckerberg world. Events are sometimes only posted on the site and important information gets passed down the grapevine much easier through postings.

So I’ve made a bit of a challenge for myself. Fifteen minutes or less of Facebook a day. You may roll your eyes, but it has seriously become this horrible. Cutting off cold turkey like my friend has done isn’t possible for me right now, as I do value it. But giving myself a bit of a break throughout the day will most likely free my thoughts to flow elsewhere.

Maybe I will no longer wonder why a certain family member never comments on my postings and hopefully I will stop caring so much about what you ate today.

Here’s to a fresh start with Facebook – to use as a tool and not so much as a crutch.

Facebook overload

17 Jan


After a dry spell of activities or out of pure boredom, you may likely find me perusing the pages of Facebook. After my personal page is fixed up to my liking, I will probably be looking at the status-littered wall. What is that friend doing today? How about aunt so-and-so? The problem with this is I get addicted easily to the system. If I am not careful, I could spend 30 minutes to an hour catching up on the lives of my Facebook peers. It wouldn’t be a problem if these were all super close friends that would tell me what is going on with their lives regardless. But when many of these people are past friends from high school or college that I said goodbye to years ago, it’s like a class reunion every day. Not only can it get creepy, it gets worse when you link on to friends’ friends’ pages. Just because you can. An acquaintance of a friend could have excellent pictures from their trip around the world, and here I am taking a glimpse at their online life. It’s absolutely ridiculous and I am quite guilty of it. (When anyone admits to being a Facebook stalker, I always pretend that I am barely on the social media site. I lie.)

Facebook came out when I was in college, and that was when it was slowly making it to well-known universities across the country. When it finally hit the University of Northern Iowa, my dorm went gangbusters over the phenomenon. I refused to sign up and threw my “I’m too good for it” attitude into the ring (who are we kidding?). When I finally went with the crowd on this one, I was hooked … fast. I remember adding people from UNI that I had ran across on campus briefly but had never said a word to. One was this cute guy who was on the cross-country team. I remember encountering him when he came into the President’s Office, where I worked. Anyways, he added me, and I was curious. So I studied his page, his likes, his interests, and so on. One night, months later, I was at the O.P. bar with some girlfriends. He approached me and said that he had noticed me from across the room and wanted to know my name and if he could buy me a drink. After I told him my name, he was about to tell me his. Well, I had already had a few drinks and was feeling quite confident. So instead, I told him his name and what his interests were and what I had memorized from his page. After it dawned on him that I was a super creepy person, he said, “You’re weird” and left. I can say that we were no longer Facebook friends soon after the incident.

Over the years I have added and deleted so many people. Many because I don’t know them and others because they were being annoying. Yet, the addiction has continued. I have had a good friend delete her Facebook for the same problems I have had, and she hasn’t regretted doing so. Sometimes I think of doing the same or at least dwindling my friend count to just my family members, but something always keeps me from doing so.

Facebook has been a great hinderance as well as a fascination for me. When Hurricane Sandy came through my area, my mom was able to keep the rest of my family updated on my safety. I have been able to post pictures of my ongoings in NYC, and keep up with others of importance in my life. And all those cat videos – can’t stop watching. Yet, that creepy portion still exists, and while I could easily do something about it – I choose not to.

So, Facebook, what I must say to you in Brokeback Mountain-style is this: I can’t quit you.


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