Tag Archives: Television

Where Are They Now: Gilmore Girls (a work in progress)

6 Oct

Everyone has been busy posting ‘Gilmore Girls’ Facebook statuses, thanks to Netflix recently adding all seven seasons to their collection. So here’s my contribution.

I have seen almost every episode at least six or seven times, and the show got me through some depressing times in my life, so … I’m pretty attached.

Here is what I think could have happened to each of the characters since we last saw them on The WB:

(Adding characters slowly).

Jess Mariano – Although his foray into the book store/art space was bold and well meant, it financially crumbled within a year’s time span. His first book sold modestly (with Luke buying enough copies to wallpaper the diner), but not enough to eek out a living on. He headed back to the West Coast to spend time with his dad after he was diagnosed with cancer. Through chemo treatments and remission, Jess took charge of his pop’s food stand on the boardwalk while writing a second novel – this time in the YA category. Starring a troubled young male with devilish good looks, Jess used his own experience to jump start his writing career. It worked. He was able to land an agent and a contract with a medium-size publishing company. With his dad in remission and their relationship firmly intact, he moved to NYC and became an editor at an online magazine.

Dean Forester – Oh, Dean. After sulking for what felt like an eternity in Stars Hollow, he started over. Well, he didn’t have a choice. His best friend Kyle and his ex-wife Lindsay began a relationship and quickly became pregnant. He moved out, she moved in, and Dean became more depressed than ever. Dean’s dad was transferred back to Illinois, so the whole Forester clan decided to make a go of it in the Midwest. Dean attended community college and received a carpentry degree (he also played a few games for the team before blowing his knee out and ruining any chances of an athletic career). After cutting his hand at a construction site, he was stitched up by Bethanie, a nurse, who stitched up his wounds and his heart. They quickly married a few weeks later, had seven children and are extremely involved in their church. He started Forrester Construction, Inc. and is happy with his current life. He still loves Lord of the Rings.

Logan Huntzberger – A heartbroken Logan headed off to California to start his new job. Colin and Finn followed suit. Logan partied hard to forget Rory, and he was fired for his lack of ever showing up. He washed his hands of the experience, and ended up backpacking through Europe in style for a couple years (financed by Daddy Warbucks). While soul-searching, he discovered a lot. Nadia. Celeste. Jessica. A couple Marias. Logan moved back to the East Coast and became his dad’s right-hand man and the heir of Huntzberger fortune, after his grandfather and father died in a private plane crash. He ended up marrying that lovely Fallon girl, BTW. Last I heard, Fallon’s weight bounces up and down 20 pounds every month, she chain smokes like none-other, and the philandering Logan is still out on the prowl.

Liz & TJ – I’d like to say that Luke told them to hit the Renaissance road and never come back, but no. Instead, they started stealing out of the register of Luke’s Diner and finally Liz’s dear brother had to put his foot down. He never called the cops on them, but the relationship was pretty damaged. They moved out of Stars Hollow and into an RV. TJ has been in and out of jail since then, with quick money schemes and DUI’s. Liz still calls Luke for help. Of course, Luke always sends them a check once a month like clockwork.

Lane and Zack – Hep Alien did make it big. Well, they had one hit single that rose up the charts. Touring became a nightmare with Steve and Kwan, so the couple put down the axe and drums and headed back to Stars Hollow. Sophie moved out to write a Broadway play based on her life, so they took over the music shop and started giving out lessons to local kids. They jam out still, but their craft took a backseat to raising their family of now four kids. Gil ended up reuniting with his 80’s rock band, while Bryan manages the Century 21 branch in Woodbury and loves wearing gold blazers and the health benefits that come along with the gig. Oh yeah, Lane and Mrs. Kim still enjoy a tense but loving relationship. Mrs. Kim has softened with the birth of her grandchildren and has ventured into the world of online dating.

Nickelodeon favorites of the ’90s

20 Feb

Warning: I was going to list my favorite television shows of Nickelodeon. Can’t do. Too much stuff to list off. Was going to list off favorite middle school programming. Uh, again, a lot to list. So this is just one segment of my favorite 30-minute to hour-long shows of childhood past.

I can hear the "splat" sound right now.

I can hear the “splat” sound right now.

I watched a lot of television growing up. A lot. Some of it was educational, but a lot of the time it was just crazy garbage. Jerry Springer accidentally getting hit in the face by a baby mama or a woman gladiator in a spandex suit swinging on a rope.

But the Nickelodeon programs that were geared toward middle-school children, now that was some good stuff.

During the summer, if it were too hot, I’d turn on some Nickelodeon and tune in to their programming.

I had a lot of babysitting gigs. So a lot of times I would turn on the TV and see this:

RIP Face

RIP Face

He would get things moving right along. Not only that, but he was quite entertaining to the two-year-old twins that were in my care.

Now, babysitting in the summer while all my friends were at the pool wasn’t a favorite thing of mine. So I compromised with the kids. We’d watch one of their boring shows as long as I could catch at least an hour of Steve and Blue.

Everybody love's Blue's Clues. EVERYBODY.

Everybody love’s Blue’s Clues. EVERYBODY.

If there were ever a job opening and the main requirement was to recite all the songs from Blue’s Clues, I’d be in like flint. I even carried a lunch box in the shape of Steve’s notebook (complete with large green crayon!) with me in high school. In homage.

Alright, early in the afternoon they would sometimes show re-runs of this favorite. I just wanted to go down the tongue slide so bad. I also wanted that green slime to run down my back. I imagined it smelled like a mixture of plastic and Play-Doh.

My brother and I would have creamed the other contestants. I am absolutely sure of it.

My brother and I would have creamed the other contestants. I am absolutely sure of it.

This enjoyable team competition show was quickly overshadowed by my favorite-ist of all time game shows. THE LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE. GET IT, GET IT.

When this came on. I shut up and listened, and then started shouting obscenities at the screen.

When this came on I shut up and listened, and then started shouting obscenities at the screen.

Damn, I wanted to be on this show soooo bad. I was always rooting for the red or purple team at the beginning. But the entire time, I was just waiting in anticipation for the last team to run through the temple. BUT WHY IN GOD’S NAME COULD NO ONE EVER PUT THE FREAKIN’ SILVER MONKEY TOGETHER? WHY? And why did they always run into the temple guards when it was so obvious where they were stationed? Also, their mouth guards were obscenely huge. AMIRIGHT?

I could have entered the Shrine of the Silver Monkey and nailed that task. Nailed it.

I could have entered the Shrine of the Silver Monkey and nailed that task. Nailed it.

You may have been at the pool or T-balling it up. I was instead catching up on my favorite-ist show ever. SALUTE YOUR SHORTS. Budnick and Donkey Lips were seriously so cool. I was always ticked off that Budnick always got a bad rap and I secretly had a huge crush on the redhead. Also, I wanted to be Z.Z. and hang out with Telly and Dina in our cabin.

Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts ...

Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts …

Was anyone else super happy when they replaced Michael with pransker Ronnie? And did anyone know that the super hottie became lead guitarist of Rilo Kiley?

Usually, this show aired before Salute Your Shorts. And I loved it.

Hey Dude, and dude, and dude, and dude, and dude.

Hey Dude, and dude, and dude, and dude, and dude.

I wanted to visit the Bar None and hang out with Ben Stiller’s wife Melody and date Ted. He was hot, hot, hot. I just never want to wear shorts down to my ankles. The girls seemed to dig those.

While these shows were great afternoon exploits, what I most enjoyed was SNICK (Saturday Night Nickelodeon).

Snick_2610That was when the quality programming came out to play.

Over the years, the shows changed, but here are a few of my favorites.

images-6

The Secret World of Alex Mack. Yes.

I love me some Pete & Pete. I still find this to be a brilliantly written show.

I love me some Pete & Pete. I still find this to be a brilliantly written show.

The irreverent characters of Ren & Stimpy. They made me cringe and laugh all at once. Does anyone remember the episode where they were scraping a tongue for a good minute?

The irreverent characters of Ren & Stimpy. They made me cringe and laugh all at once. Does anyone remember the episode where they were scraping a tongue for a good minute?

I needed Clarissa to explain it all. Someone had to.

I needed Clarissa to explain it all. Someone had to.

I have seen each and every episode, and I want to take home Chuckie Finster and be his surrogate mommy.

I have seen each and every episode, and I want to take home Chuckie Finster and be his surrogate mommy.

oug's theme song was the catchiest thing ever written. And I loved every character. Doug was like a middle-aged balding man stuck in a cartoon teenager's body.

Doug’s theme song was the catchiest thing ever written. And I loved every character. Doug was like a middle-aged balding man stuck in a cartoon teenager’s body.

And last, but definitely not least, is the best show ever made for teenagers (in my opinion). This show can still freak the ba-jeez-us out of me. I catch it every once and a while on YouTube. Are You Afraid of the Dark? was my go-to, and I looked forward to every weekend that a marathon was playing. I have two favorite episodes. The first was where a babysitter and the two kids she took care of get trapped in an old mansion in the middle of nowhere. The second was about a kid obsessed with video games, and he gets stuck in an arcade game in a mall where he has to save the princess. SOOOO GOOD!

I am deathly afraid of the dark, and still can't watch this show before bedtime.

I am deathly afraid of the dark, and still can’t watch this show before bedtime.

What were your favorite Nickelodeon shows of the ’90s? Was it Keenan and Kel? Or All That? I just named a few of my favorites. Next up will be Saturday morning cartoons. And then a look back at TGIF. Because we all need to ride that rollercoaster of life that was the beginning of every Step By Step episode.

Missing the old SNL

22 Oct

There isn’t any sketch now that could compete with “Two Wild and Crazy Guys.” Nothing could come close.

“Things were just better back then.”

This is a phrase that I have heard time and time again by older generations. Whether it is about the economy, safety, or gas prices, it is a general reaction constantly reiterated. Sometimes I agree or perhaps ponder the sentiment, and many times I look at “the now” as more progressive and positive.

Today is different. I, too, declare, “Things were just better back then.”

I am talking about Saturday Night Live.

This show has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My parents would replay older shows featuring Gilda Radner’s “Roseanne Roseannadanna” and Steve Martin perfecting the “King Tut.” I was in love with the characters, the actors, and the incredible writing. Saturday was one night that I was allowed to stay up and I relished in the live humor.

When I was small child, I yearned for Dana Carvey and Mike Myers to give me some laughs with “Wayne’s World” and to hear Jon Lovitz proclaim, “Yeah…that’s the ticket!” The Bad Boys of SNL took over and I found Chris Farley inspiring — from portraying Matt Foley to  “Lunch Lady Land,” he caused many gut aches and for tears to stream from my face due to laughter. Robert Smigel’s “TV Funhouse” always surprised and fascinated me. Where does he come up with that stuff?

During my more impressionable teenage years, I learned from comic greats like Will Ferrell and Chris Kataan. The most important thing I learned, though, was that women could be funny. Cheri Oteri, Ana Gasteyer, and Molly Shannon were my comic goddesses. There was nothing they could do wrong. My friend Leigha and I would spend precious hours during school perfecting Oteri’s Barbara Walters impression and reciting made-for-television movie lines made famous by Mary Katherine Gallagher. Perhaps our favorite sketch was “Delicious Dish,” a public radio programming on cooking that was comic genius.

Toward the end of high school, a new cast was unrolled featuring Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon, and Amy Pohler, who brought unbelievable talent. After that … well, I don’t know what happened. I have seen some amazing actors on the show and some great skits, yet, it’s not the same. I used to go to school or my workplace and proclaim, “Wow! Wasn’t that a great show?” Commercial breaks were necessary for using the bathroom or refueling on snacks, but now, not so much. Instead, when a Budweiser ad appears, I’m ready to flip the channel or turn the TV off. The cold opening might be great, and the rest be considerably “blah.”

Many of the shows are pretty forgettable.  I believe the writing and direction is to blame. There might be two solid sketches during that hour and a half format, which doesn’t cut it for me. And this is not a time period where there is a lack of topics to poke fun at, no, instead there is almost too much material out there. Oh, I’ve gotten excited over seeing certain sketches being performed, but realize quickly that it was hastily put together or is filled with absolutely apparent holes that the writers didn’t see in the script. “That was kinda funny,” I’ll think, or “It was okay, but …” The non-live segments, such as commercials, are better than the rest, but so what? That is only a small portion of the show.

It’s just sad. The only times I’ve really looked forward to staying in on Saturday to watch SNL is when a good guest star is on.  I feel like they will “make” the show and save it for the week. I miss the times where guest stars will just blend in with the cast and make it a bit better, rather than carrying the show.

While I have enjoyed the political humor SNL has brought out due to the election, I find it the only reason why I’m tuning in on Saturday nights. Hopefully, this is just one of SNL’s slumps and they can eventually pull out of.  Yet, it might be wishful thinking. But I must believe that a childhood hero can rise out of the ashes and be great again.

Such a busy day …

7 Sep

If I were a cat … this is what I would look like today.

How many job applications have you filled out, Carrie?

So I have to tell you how great the new television pilot “The Mindy Project” is. It is super witty, very intelligently written, and just plain awesome. Mindy Kaling is the star and one of the co-producers of show. Somewhat based on her real life, it plays up to what many women feel about romance. Funny, with a splash of seriousness, I believe it definitely fits in well with the Fox line-up, which includes “New Girl,” another favorite of mine.

How many job applications have you filled out, Carrie?

Another show worth checking out is “The New Normal” on NBC. Some people may be wary of the new hit because it revolves around the life of two married homosexual men. I thought the show was pretty funny, even with all of the blatant stereotypes splashed on the screen. It won’t be a show I catch every week, but who knows. BTW, all of these new pilots are on Hulu online. I mean, why wait for them to premiere on television when they are waiting right there for you?

How many job applications have you filled out, Carrie?

Oh, I must tell you about this new Pinterest recipe I found yesterday. Super easy. Six thawed chicken breasts in a crock pot, dump a packet of taco seasoning and a 16 oz. jar of salsa on top. Wait for a few hours and violà! The meat for your soft- or hard-shelled tacos is ready to devour. I never thought that I would get so into pinning on my boards. Just once and awhile. But lately, I have become so organized, creating boards for this and that. And I really think people are enjoying following all my pins.

Ahem, how many job apps?

It’s been a crazy day. I had to wake up, watch all those television shows (to get them out of the way.) Showering was a task. Then there was the Today Show, and putting all that stuff in the crock pot. That pinning, well I had to make sure that everything was legit. Oh, and I spent a bit of time cruising on www.dog-shaming.com. Hilarious. People write a note next to their dog of whatever bad thing they did. What shame. Did I mention I ventured outdoors to the mailbox? After all that, I just need to drink some wine or drink a couple beers. I’m wiped.

Dear Lord.

Oh the job applications … I had the job sites opened up. It is right up there on my list. Just after I wake up tomorrow.

Ever have one of these days?

Kim and Kris Take It Back

2 Nov


It’s been a rough couple of days. Dark and empty -full of fear and doubts. But I will get through it, and so will you.

Kim Kardashian’s decision to file for divorce after 72 days of marriage took us all by surprise – and more than Kris Humphries was hurt by her move. Did she not see the damage she caused? Can she think of anyone but herself? What about the children? (And by children, I mean her worshipping followers.)

So what caused these ‘irreconcilable differences?’

Did Kris say something cruel about her Twitter comments? Was it when she said “”He [Barack Obama] just seemed very firm about the change, and that’s, like, his motto” or was it, “I hate when women wear the wrong foundation color. It might be the worst thing on the planet when they wear their makeup too light.” She’s just being honest – saying what the masses need to hear, Kris! Kim is being Kim – keepin’ it realz.

Was she upset about the wedding – too small or a bit too big? Was having the sponsors pay $10 million for the wedding not enough? Or was the approximately $17.9 million they were paid to get married in front of the E! cameras splitting hairs? Please tell us why, Kim!

Some are speculating that it was due to Kris wanting to move back to Minnesota, his home state. Well, if that is the case, it might have scared her off. Too many ‘you betchas’ and ‘yah sure’ language barriers to manage. But even that shouldn’t be a deal breaker for a 72-day blissful marriage.

Perhaps it was the fact that Kim and her older sister Kourtney have been filming the second season of “Kourtney and Kim Take New York” – a dazzling take on the working girls doing what they do best: Shopping, drama and witty banter. And opening up their third D-A-S-H store. But I had thought this was to be closer to her New Jersey Nets hubby, not to tear them apart.

Maybe it was Momager Kris Jenners. Or the fact that little sister Khloe had problems with Kim’s beau. Her toast to the groom at his engagement party was a bit harsh – jokingly (or not so much) asking for his death, that may have caused some problems in the family.

But whatever it was, it can’t be what columnists and news reporters are gossiping about: That the wedding was all a sham and a publicity stunt. No. Not possible. The Kardashians would never do such a thing For shame news outlets, for shame! “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami,” “Kourtney and Kim Take New York” and “Khloe & Lamar” are out there on the E! Network for our enjoyment – not because they thrive off of attention and creating mindless drones. That’s plain silly. Their drama is what makes them adorable. A-DOR-ABLE.

They fight, I laugh. Momager Kris gets plastic surgery, I cry. One of the sisters speaks her mind, and I am in heaven.

But this break up wasn’t a part of that. It couldn’t. No, something far more cynical has happened and I need to get to the bottom of it.

Even Kim was surprised and hurt that her critics are saying that this was to further her career of being a full-time reality star. She called them out, it was no such thang. TMZ reports that Kim said, “Sometimes marriages end rapidly. Just because it’s short doesn’t mean it’s fake.” Wise words, Kim K., wise words.

And because it was so real, I am gonna pray real hard that it works out between the two lovebirds. After watching four hours of Kim/Kris wedding extravaganza, I can’t believe it was a sham. It was too beautiful. They were too beautiful. Cute as kittens.

So I will curl up in a blanket, watch a bit of E!’s mega-coverage of the Kardashians during their time of need, and shed a tear or two. Because if this can’t work out, I’m afraid that there is no hope for the rest of us.

Confessions of a Lifetime movie addict

18 Oct

    We’ve all done it. Bored on a Saturday afternoon, after stuffing your face full of chocolate chip cookies, you settle on the couch with a blanket and start flipping the T.V. channels. After going through dozens, you look around to make sure no one is watching, do a double take, and settle on it. Lifetime.
The guiltiest of guilty pleasures.
And Saturdays are chuck full of the material you have been longing for. Bored alcoholic housewives with cheating husbands and thieving children. A college girl being pressured by the hazing practices of the nasty, yet popular sorority. Teenage girls engaged in a pregnancy pact. The drama, the chaos, and the badly scripted mess that wraps neatly in a bow after two hours. The concept is quite beautiful, really.
The titles are exceptionally great. Not like Hollywood movies. Instead of one word answers like “Jaws” or “It” — Lifetime likes to give its viewers a brief synopsis — nothing to hide here. “Jessica’s Story: One Woman’s Story of Abuse.” “Melody’s Tale: A Mother’s Hope for her Unborn Child.” There you go. Simple, to the point, and you get a gist of what may happen.
I settled on “Thrill to Kill” this weekend. What did I expect? A bit of thrill, a bit of kill — and a fairly mediocre movie starring ‘C’ rate actors.
Summary: Innocent bartender Kelly reads a novel that oddly mirrors her sister’s tragic murder. Kelly decides to ask crime novelist Graydon to help her discover her sister’s true killer. They climb treacherous terrain, finding people in their path that don’t want the tragedy solved. Her sister had many lovers that wanted to kill her — so many lovers. Which one was it? And why so many? Why, I ask?
SPOILER ALERT: Unbeknownst to Kelly, her new gorgeous companion Graydon is the actual murderer. He gets his thrills from committing the crimes and then writing about them — which also makes him rich. Win-win for him? Anyways, I’m trailing off. He reveals to Kelly that he is going to kill her and then write about it! Gasp. Sob.
What? This is where I dropped the popcorn from my lips back to the bowl. (Yes, I was eating more food.) That surprised even me. After a lot of  screen shots of the murderer chasing the innocent pretty girl victim, Graydon ends up dead — hanging in a barn.
But, but … instead of worrying about her friend who is almost dead in an ambulance or perhaps removing the killer’s body from the barn — Kelly and the local sheriff decide to go inside her home for a pot of coffee and some cookies. To laugh and regale tales of old. WHAT? Strolling arm in arm into the house, the credits begin to roll.
That’s the Lifetime movie, I love so well. You did it again, Television for Women channel, you did it. I expect, and know, the show will wrap up as quickly as possible in the last minute of the show — no matter how awkward it makes the rest of it seem. If they don’t have time for that, someone better be walking off in the distance and there had better be at least four to five paragraphs of information to fill you in on what’s going on with the characters now.
My absolute favorite Lifetime flicks are the ones that are based on true stories. So in the back of your head, even as far-fetched and dramatic as the actors come across — there is a shred (if that) of truth somewhere in there.
The channel has been getting a lot of flack lately for the “Amanda Knox: Murder on Trial in Italy” movie. (See what they did there? Even if you have no idea who she is — you know there was a murder and a trial set in Italy. Fantastic.) Oh, I quickly condemned the movie for being biased. And I shook my head at Lifetime for sensationalizing the matter worse than the country of Italy did. And after all that — I sat down with some fudge. Yes, fudge. And watched it. Totally awesome.
But that’s why the channel is such a necessity in people’s lives (namely me.) Say goodbye to reality for a little while, for two, eight or 12 hours. Sit in jam jams, eat a couple pounds of food and let the drama unfold on the screen — rather than cause any of your own.
I heart Lifetime, so much.

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